Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Compulsive? Maybe. But trust me, my yams are good.

Hello my daaaaaahlings. It is I, Cher, your favorite blogger. You are all just so lucky to have me in your life aren't you? I know. So I thought I would pass along some practical advice so no one gets injured and loses an eye and I have to start blogging in braille. I don't know braille, so it would be really tricky and full of typos.

So, I think this first piece of advice speaks for itself. This is something you absolutely shouldn't do. Unless of course, you are Chriss Angel and are a demon and your DNA is made up of 2 parts fire anyway.
Second piece of practical advice, look before you sit. If you don't feel like looking first, have someone do a trial sit for you on your chair of choice because there is just no doubt that unknowingly sitting on a chair like this would suck worse than mudbutt.
Third piece of practical advice from yours truly is to be really careful for random (blunt OR pointy) giant hooks that may appear out of nowhere, as you scratch your bum while using gigantic chopsticks to try and pick up crap off the sidewalk.And lastly, piece of advice number four. In order to avoid the paparazzi while doing something like grocery shopping, wear a hoodie and a hat and keep your head down. Make sure you don't look anyone directly in the eye. You can normally avoid most autograph junkies by robbing the joint and running. People think you are just an average thief and not, in fact, one of the coolest people in the world who just wants to get some food and leave.Your poems are all so awesome (of course they are...they're about me, after all)!! What have I started? I don't know how to choose! But I will, and don't forget to submit yours before Dec 3rd if you haven't already!