Thursday, November 22, 2007

THE CONTEST...dun dun dun...

bbc said to me "Time for a new post, an attention whore needs to do lots of posts. LOL" So true bbc. So here you go...
Didn't do much yesterday.
Just my normal Wednesday.
Which is actually quite a busy day and rushed in the mornings.
It actually took waaay too long to take this picture.I took it myself and there was another lady in the room (with 2 ugly kids) who was wondering what on earth I was doing, but because she didn't ask, I didn't offer. I also didn't stop Everett from stealing her ugly kids toys out of their ugly little hands. I figured, you know what? They are ugly. They better get used to not always being treated nicely.
Similar to my Cougars hat, again, you are cooler for knowing me, because I have this shirt...

Come on, admit it. that shirt is S.A.S.S.Y.

Ok... on with the contest. I am having a really hard time with picking who will pick the prize. This post has ended up being really lengthy. So I understand if you want to skim down to your name and just read what pertains to you, but at least scroll down to the end and read what the actual contest is and get your entries in.

Angels idea is just awesome. I totally would love to give him a VW symbol or sticker. I have that kickin' around my crib. I wouldn't even have to leave my house to buy anything. Awesome idea right?

The Duck? what can i say... this is just awesome. I'd get to write on your, the great and mighty Duck's blog? nice. That works out perfect for an egotistical maniac like myself. I want to give you this opportunity... because lucky you right?

Tena.I think it would be so great for me to have the power to give Phats away for the weekend. I mean it's really a great idea all around. For everyone. And then you basically swiped Duck's suggestion right out of his hard drive with the writing on the winners blog bit...and it's such a great idea too. But THEN you come around talkin all like "yo babies daddy" and stuff. No, haha, ok but man the last few sentences were fun to type. Ok, I love the idea of the winner picking my fake, bastard, virtual, love childs name. It's actually beautiful to me. The idea itself seems to be smiling at me. Brilliant.

Mr.Shife-mudbutt holder. What could be better than that? I even have some with Lightning McQueen on them so...sweet right? Great idea. Plus I'd get to say the word mudbutt again in a future post.. Seriously though, The radio show thing is killing me. I want to do it really bad. I don't even know why anymore, but it was really fun doing it... but I'm scared I'll suck. Which, I probably will. But, then you come around traipsing your "you could interview me" suggestion around and now I can't stop dry heaving I'm so scared (ok, not really). But more than that, I just want to do it so much more now. So thank you for this completely irrelevant personal Hell I'm now stuck in. There is almost no other option BUT to let you win. Then I would have the opportunity to almost grill you in person about where our fake, bastard, virtual baby's college fund is dwindling away to. Shame on you.

Phats-I think a weekend with you would be awesome. I'm going to post a bit of our conversation. Man we crack me up.

Phats says:honey i am home cher says:awePhats says:now cook me dinner bitchPhats says:HAHAcher says:haha.cher says: i think a radio show would be really fun though. but i'm scared to do it. Phats says:do it please Phats says: ask if he wants to give you a pearl necklace. cher says: AHHAHAHAHA HAH AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhh we could talk about our fake baby. i'd be funny Phats says:lolPhats says:and give me the prize of date with Phats! cher says:yes.... Phats says:i think a conversation with myself would be fascinating cher says:that is so funny cher says: me too. i wish i could enter.Phats says:i think I should win a date with myself Phats says: LMAOcher says:LMAO!!!!cher says:ah hahaha! and then Angel can set you free....or maybe I will grant world peace just for casdok. cher says:hey, can i cut and paste part of our conversation for my post? Phats says:only if you say how hot and doable I am cher says:ok. you are hot and doable. Phats says:lol

Stonelifter You must be starting to see my dilemma here right? This is such a good idea, I can't believe I didn't think of it. I wonder if I've done this to you and maybe you are just bitter, or maybe you, like me, just think that is really, really funny.

Are you getting the idea? I don't know how to decide.

Kay. Lay off the chemo. I think it's going to your bald head. Ok, but you know I'd love to go hang out with you for an evening and drink some beer in fuzzy slippers. So, naturally, I want you to win too. I don't know. Maybe if you actually sent me your hair that fell out for real, I'd accept your bribe and bump you up to the top of the list.

DG- Canadian bacon is delicious. There is no doubt about it. This post is getting long winded, and you are still milking the last contest winnings out of me. So I think you will forgive me if i just say no.

Jblue you were just day dreaming. I can not get you a helicopter ride that ends with your personal concert from the pipettes. Would you settle for me calling you with ear deafening chopper audio playing while i play you some kind of ditty on the spoons? What if I really put my heart into it?

dipshit mcfuckertwat- man that name is freakin funny. There is just nothing I could say to even make your comments funnier...or sicker...

Paul F.-Again, a really really cool idea. In high school I would pass around a piece of paper. When you had it you wrote a sentence starting with the word already given to you, fold your sentence over, and put the last word under it so the next person couldn't see the context of how to use that word. You ended up with a story so funny I'd get kicked out of class because I was laughing and distracting... I think a short story written and started by me and finished by you all is an absolutely fabulous idea. I really do.

Travis-You are a very smart contestant aren't you? Any idea that gives my fake, bastard, virtual love child post time is just great in my books. But you knew that didn't you? ;) I actually think this fake child is going to be harder to name than how it was conceived too, so that really would save a lot of time and thought.

T.Leach. like I said, you never disappoint me... I kinda hoped you'd enter again so I could send you something again. I mean, why else do I have your address tattooed on the inside of my arm if I'm all done sending you stuff?

Gad- can i get two pints of Guinness and pickled garlic? on top of a golden 1945 WV beetle, of course! This is completely doable. I'm going to go check my backyard for the 1945 beetle. I bet I even have one kickin around back there. If I don't, I will so hook you up with x-ray vision.

Honkeie-a six pack and porn. Nice. I think you should win just because I've never chosen porn for a virtual stranger before. But then you said " I would love to win a gift certificate to my local tattooer and have your name inked on my butt....right above the actual hole. ;-P" Surely you must know how badly I want you to get a tattoo right above your actual hole. And my name? It's every girls dream really. Holy crap you crack me up dude.

THE CONTEST:OK. I will decide somehow. But... until then, here is the actual contest. I want a poem written about me. So get off your duffs, or stay on them, whatever, and get to writing...all about me. Simply splendid idea if you ask me. Just so this contest doesn't drag on forever, I will even give you a cut off date. So get your poems-all about me-to me by December 3rd 2007. Good luck and don't forget how great I am.