Wednesday, October 03, 2007

my virtual, fake, bastard love child

Step back into time with me, for a moment. Let me set the stage. August 23rd. 2007. It was probably just a regular pleasant day in my household and I'm checking out your blogs. I go to my friend Phat's blog to see what's new and exciting. Crossing my fingers and wishing for something other than football, I was thrilled to see him talking about deep fried Pepsi! AND it had photos...AAAND a video clip! So I scroll down and it gets better because he even mentions me in the next bit, which I love, because I'm a blog whore.. Then tennis...then football, but at least another video feeling quite pleased with his post in general, I start brewing up a fresh cup of instant comment. Then... WHOA! Screeeeeech. Back up. Did he just say what I thought he said? Oh yes he did. I couldn't believe it. Here, read it for yourself. I'll copy and paste it for you. .. And I quote... "Have a great weekend,Phats.By the way I got special permission from Cher to announce that she is pregnant with Mr Shife's baby, and they would like gifts from us all, and they are registered at Wal Mart. I guess the cougar pounced."
Ok, a couple of things. First of all, I'm glad Phats cleared up whose baby it was, because I honestly thought it was Design Goddess's. (Still to this day DG, I am so sorry for the hurt and unnecessary pain I have put you through. I really am.)
And second of all, I guess the cat is out of the bag now, and there's no point in denying this made up pregnancy anymore. According to Phats, I am 6 weeks along in this virtual pregnancy and let me tell you, it already feels like 25. In case you don't know, a pregnancy is about 40 weeks long...give or take. Don't worry, for those of you who went through my second pregnancy with me, you know I will keep you updated on how I'm doing and feeling and if you are lucky, maybe even the odd belly shot.
It is true that Mr.Shife and I are registered at WalMart and we do indeed want you to buy us things. So here are a few gift suggestions that obviously any newborn, online, fake, bastard, love child would need.
Mr.Shife is just as ecstatic as I am about this faux pregnancy. He's so sweet. Why, just today he said this to me when I told him that his fake bastard baby just kicked... "Based on the advice of my attorney, I plead the fifth." See? Can't you just feel his love and undying commitment? His words wrap me in warmth in these trying times. He is my rock. He will make a great fake father.