i have a giant vagina

OK, so I don't want to mislead you.

I just thought it would be good to
bring this out into the open.

I have a giant vagina.


It's true.
It's huge.
I love my giant vagina and I'm pretty sure my giant vagina loves me...
I don't want to alarm you, but I decided to step up to the plate and share with you, my fans, a few photos of my giant vagina.

See? Did you doubt me?
Look at it.
It's massive.
I keep my giant vagina in my backyard.









OK, so check this out. I was sitting on my porch swing talking to a friend on the phone and I realise there is an enormous penis just hanging around (a little to the right) at the end of my road.
I had Rob go for a cruise down to the end of the road to grab the enormous penis and what do we notice? That's right... my dreams of turning this enormous penis into a water fountain is completely attainable. I don't even have to drill a hole. This enormous penis has a urethra!

How perfect. It was like this enormous penis was meant just for my giant vagina.



So I decided to play matchmaker because I'm just that way. I like to keep my giant vagina happy. I think it's really important. So here is a photo of me introducing the match made in heaven. Sorry I forgot to rotate it. Just tilt your head.

I really do love my giant vagina. Here I am just hanging around spreading my love and adoration.You know, making sure my giant vagina really feels it.

{If you use facebook, you can do a search for me, (cher sherwood) add me, and check out all kinds of fun I've been having on there. Just check out my photo albums 1-7 and don't forget to scroll down to read the explanation for the madness.}
........................................


OK, so, in other news, people are finding my car/driver distraction contest tricky. So I am officially modifying it. It's my contest and I can do what I want with it.

So, if you aren't quick on the draw like me(its a gift), and can't seem to get a photo of a person and a car that don't suit each other at all, then just do something creative with the topic. Feel free to photoshop, steal copyrighted photos off the net, go force someone to sit in someone else's car that they don't suit and take a photo... I dunno, I guess the whole thing is just funny to me. But I just don't find it tricky.

I saw this lady the other day. Beautiful truck. But just completely distracting that she's driving it. And in my opinion, if you put yourself out there in public like that, then I will look you straight in the eye, hold my head up high, take your picture (whether you like it or not)and then exploit you on my blog

Ok, so Rob is finally back. After what was supposed to be 17 days, stretched out to like 25. Needless to say, he's happy to be home... i don't remember where he said he saw this vw-car-spider-thing, but man i love it! This is one of the most creative things I've seen in ages. You, know, not including all the creative things I create daily.



















This is the picture on a friends calendar that Rob went to visit while he was away. It made me laugh, and like her just a little more! Man I can't count how many sleepless nights I have spent tucked way down deep into my covers convinced that if I even stick a foot out, clowns will get it for sure.













So, once again, just a gentle reminder to keep your cameras charged up and ready to go for my contest. An autographed picture of me? Come on people... And to be added to my cell phone to get random text messages from me whenever I feel like it.... ??? All I can say is Man, I hope I win!!!! (No idea what I'm talking about? click here for details.)

What's in the bag? Well I'm glad you asked. it's a ....
FLOWBEE!!!!
Picked this puppy up for $8.00.
Lets see if it works....
who should I try my new flobee on?



Well, Everett seemed pretty eager, so he went first. I won't post the pictures of him screaming his head off. I mean, he loved it.
It sucks as it cuts!!
or at least it sucks as you possibly rip the hair out by the roots. I don't know exactly because there's no way I'd ever try this on myself!

So, all in all, it did a really good job and there wasn't even 1 single hair that i needed to clean up. that was the best part. no, wait, i think listening to my kids scream in complete and utter terror was the best part.

I think the flowbee is the reason the expression "redneck" actually originated.

I will use it again. Definately.
Saw this truck on the road a couple days ago. You should be able to click on it to enlarge and read what this guy had on the back of his truck.

Ok, so this isn't a good example of a contest entry. But it was funny, and I thought I'd share. You may be wondering to yourself "what contest? Cher's having another contest?? how do I enter?". Well, just click on this Link: http://nutmeghotline.blogspot.com/2007/05/how-to-have-free-babysitter-and-new.html and go charge your batteries and dust off your lenses! Click click click...

How to have a free babysitter.... AND ... A NEW CONTEST!! Wow!

My friends came over last week and we just needed sometime alone. I thought this was brilliant! Thank you Joey for burying my kids up to thier armpits in sand. You can come over and occupy them anytime!!! It's good that you do. (PS, thankyou Joey and Allan for the hugs yesterday. I think you know how needed they were.)

Oh, wait, I'll be back in a second. I think they might still be out there!

Well, that was a relief. They were still there and fine. REALLY happy to see me though!

OK PEOPLE!!! LISTEN UP!!!
It's been so long since I've had a contest, that I feel the time has come once again. This contest is a little something Rob and I do to occupy our time when we are driving... we try and find one of those real head turners when we are driving. You know when you see a car, and then you see the driver and you are like, Ferreal? THAT person is driving THAT?? It just doesn't fit. It's distracting. So, what do i do in cases like this? you guessed it... take a picture!!

So, here are the rules. It cannot be a computer generated photo (Although i will possibly have to have a seperate creativity prize if someone was to actually bother). Now I know you are all very observant people. I know that you have digital cameras, (well except Phats, but he's too busy sending me bribes to buy my funnybone.) *phats you may have to beg borrow or steal... or just get someone to take a picture of you in your car*
OK, so a photo like this won't cut it. this is just a funny bumpersticker. it was especially funny when the woman that got out of the car was about 83 years old. however, no shot of her... no go. doesn't count. you could be making it up. keep in mind i'm veeeery skeptical and have a professional lab downstairs where i will be authenticating the authenticity of each and every entry.



Here again, same thing. I'm taking the time to really stress this. although this was extremely funny to me that an old man got into this car, (you may remeber the inside of his car in a post from a couple days ago. It had the chain and pad lock on the steering wheel...) but, again, i wasn't quick enough. you've got to be quick if you want to win people. I suggest keeping your camera/phone on at all times because you just never know. Maybe pack some spare batteries, just incase.
Here's a tip-be prepared in parking lots too...although, you may want to be prepared with back up if you aren't as sneaky as i am when i am out and about around town taking pictures of people and exploiting them.

Now this is what I'm talking about. This is the money shot right here. Just doesn't suit it. AT all. GOTTA love the 10 and 2 action. It's the kind of car/driver distraction that makes me wonder if that light was really green or not and looking in my rearview mirror I normally breathe a sigh of relief because the car behind me went through it too. who know's. maybe they were distracted as well...

ok, so. Game on. winner gets an autographed picture of me, and added to my cell phone so you can recieve weird random text messages at all hours of the night. T.Leach, I thought this little side bonus of the text messages would really tweek your interest. you can have no idea what i'm talking about on your phone too! sweet action right there dude.

So email your enteries in to me at chersrobs@hotmail.com
by july 1 2007 by midnight my time. (if you don't know what time that is, then you are in the same boat as me)
Game on!
All welcome!

any facebook people out there that haven't sought me out yet? search for cher sherwood. i am there. having a lot of fun i might add. i've been busy trying to keep up with all my fanmail on top of blogging, but i'm just that good.

CALLING ALL T.LEECH's

Where oh where did T.Leech go? where oh where could he be????
If he's still out there in blog land, please tell him to come visit me now and then. I'm thinking of a new contest. And I know that should excite you all, because I give out the best prizes.

Random photos and thoughts (CLICK ON PHOTOS TO ENLARGE)

this is the weirdest car interior i've ever seen.
an old man got into it. he was about 80. he has a chain with a pad lock on his steering wheel.


Barbie. What a whore. Why does she get a VW van and I don't. Damn her and her matching shoes


is it just me or does this one kid seem pretty happy to be being strangled?




My sweet little man giving me some love in the grocery store a couple days ago.



I'm bored today. I've had a few people go to my blog lately that are new friends. yes, that's right, I have some new friends (who, by the way I am enjoying getting to know very much) So, out of boredom, or probably more accurately, out of procrastination: I decided to go back into my archives to the very beginning of my blog...which is a little frustrating because you have to start at the bottom of the page and work up...so it can be somewhat confusing. even for me. and i typed it.

SO ANYWAY... I started going from the beginning to present and decided that i'm freaking funny. Like really funny. Tell your friends kinda funny. It took me a bit to get in the groove of the whole blog thing. I tended to post too much about my kids in the beginning. And the first while I tended to be a bit long winded. But some of it I had completely forgotten about. like this post about this website i found. i checked it out again today and was not at all surprised to see it is still up and running. looks like they have a good following too. you can buy stuff. check it out

Life IS good around a bonfire....even the next day the smell still lingers...

So right now it is 2:06 AM and I just spent all night outside in my back yard, around or near or stoking my firepit as I hung out and drank a few beers... I had a great night. ALONE. Thankyou phats and Stonelifter for keeping me company on msn ((and a big shout out to my peeps on face book ;) lately.)) Soooo why am I rambling like this you may ask? Oh ya, I know... because I was hanging out by myself. Which in itself, I have no problem with. I genuinely LOVE my own company.... well, I more specifically love my self almost exclusively. Life is good around me people. How about some of you come for a visit and keep an old and moldy, obssesive compulsive like me company once in awhile hey? Oh and wait till you see what I have in store for my backyard. I think it could be revolutionary.

But I must warn you, sitting on this kitchen chair and lifting heavy things is hard on my back. I wish blogger offered medical. Then maybe I could justify some massage therapy under bc medical or something.

Oh and before I forget, I got a new bed. Well, more than GOT a new bed really. More like imagined and made it happen kinda thing. What can I say? I'm a dooer. In fact, now I think I kind of have to redo my whole bedroom. I whittled it in my spare time. What do you think?

GRRRRRRRRRRRR

How irritating. Because I haven't blogged in ages, there are a few changes I'm not familiar with. So I tried to fix the fact that my photo is gone and my title. Well, I got back the title, but not the photo and I actually lost all kinds of things I had modified on it. Everybody's links...GONE! I'm frustrated. I am going away for the weekend to visit my family. Maybe when I get back I will have more patience for this.

VW'S RULE...

the coolest car decal i have seen in ages.

Hello from the land of snot

(Can anyone help me? What happened to the top part of my blog?)

some phtos to catch you up on how big the kids are doing.
Everett turned 1 on March 15th and Crofton is now 2. I can't believe how fast they are growing.
going to the park in the wagon!






A post wouldn't be a post from me unless I showed you some weird thing i saw somewhere. These crazy bingo dabbers were in a dollar store by my house. My friend Allan says it's not weird that they were in a dollar store at all. I dunno. I think its really weird to call bingo dabbers "oh shit". Maybe its just me.
two photos of crofton that I love.

So Rob left this morning for 17 days. He's travelling to Toronto. I guess that means I'll have some time to catch up on the world of blogging. I joined facebook (search for Cher Sherwood) a couple days ago. I'd love to catch up with you all through there too. It's a cool site. I am just figuring it all out though. I was chatting with a friend of mine I haven't seen in years this morning, Shelby. It was so awesome to get in touch with her.

Haven't done much of anything with my car lately. It's only getting warm enough lately to even be in the garage. I could use someone to come hang out with me in there and get me re-motivated again!

I love VW's..... it's not a crime.

Click on any image to see it bigger
OK, so kind of a lame post today. I need to get the photos off my camera, cuz I have a lot of pics to post about of the random craziness I see. So today, I'm just going through some older ones As I only have a few minutes.


OK, so some people had a hard time picturing exactly what I meant about this bizzar object i found on my car. In all seriouslness, really, does anyone know what this is?????



This is a purse I saw downtown Victoria. Yes, that's right. The cast of Friends. Looking a little on the cozy side if you ask me. Who loved the show SOOOOO much that you would dish out over a hundred bucks for this thing????



I'm not sure if you knew this or not, but when Mel (LBSeahag) came to visit me, we were blessed with a special guest appearance from none other than the Devil himself. Sweet hey? I'm just saying we have some serious bragging rights ok?


A sweet ass van I saw in Kelowna. In my spare time I drive around and take pictures of other peoples pride and joy...not just mine. If you or someone you know has a VW you'd like to show me, I'd love to see it! You can email pics to me at chersrobs@hotmail.com Oh, ya, and if you click on this and make it bigger, you will see our not-so sweet ass camper van in the background.

Life is good in my garage

OK, so apparently it's hot that I have a car that I'm working on, but not hot to have greasy fingernails.

Thought you all may be wondering how I'm doing on my VW. Well, I have the engine out and almost all of it torn apart. I am completely surprised at how much I understand already and I'm having a blast.

Learn from my mistakes. BEFORE... I repeat..... BEFORE you remove an engine from a car, drain the flippin' oil!!!!

OK, Seriously. Why was this penis on my motor? Can anyone explain this to me?

When I look in the manual, it says nothing under penis, peter, cock, butt plug, shlong, ding a ling... Nothing.

Please help me. At this point I am convinced it is just along for the ride.

Oh ya, and I chopped my hair.

OK you flippin' leaches, shut the hell up. Here's your stupid post alright?

Awe, I'm just kidding! I am so sorry for not posting in ages. Especially for those of you who were actually addicted to my blog. For that I feel the most guilt. All the pain and suffering I have caused.

As you know, I did indeed meet Mel and we had a blast. The visit was far too short. I can't wait to hang out with her again. She is just as funny as I thought, but I have to say she is nicer in person,
which I was a little dissapointed with. I don't like always having to be the mean one you know? Bad cop gets boring after awhile.

So what's new with me you ask? My friend flat ironed my hair and I obsessively brushed it all day. It was so smooth. It was very preoccupying

Rob and I bought a camper van and did lots of camping this summer with the kids. It was awesome! The boys were great.

Here's a picture of my not-so-little baby Everett. He's such a delight. We are so truly blessed!


And here is a night vision photo of Crofton and
Everett sleeping away in the top part of the van.

They were so good on the trip that it allowed Rob and I to drink a lot in the evenings....LOL....So that was fun.

Everett weighs over 22 lbs and he's not even 7 months now. He's huge. I mean massive. I think my hip will forever be out of alignment.



Come on now....is he the cutest or what?














Here's proof that not only Mel exists, but Gonzo too. Unfortunately Mel didn't take Gonzo with her. He is still here paw-stretching away. In this photo Mel is actually being proposed to by Gonzo. I was surprised she said no. I think it just really caught her off guard.








A cool tree we saw on a hike while camping.


This is also a picture of Rob before his vesectomy. He's still a man, I keep telling him.









ok, now check out the rolls on this kid. And this isn't even the most recent of pictures.

He never stops smiling. I swear.










Now THIS is my newest project. This poor 1966 VW Custom squareback (Variant)was just rotting in someones yard. I picked it up for $400 and plan on restoring it as a Winter project. I'll keep you posted on how I am making out with it.

In this house we are VW lovers. It's pathetic actually.We bought a Westfalia on the same day as this car, that we desperately want to keep, but it is for sale because we want to make some money off of it. The people who sold it just wanted to get rid of it, so we got it cheap! Sweet hey?

Well that's it for today folks. Hope you all still come by my blog now and then!! Let me know you stopped by ok?