Oprah sinks to all time low in my book...

um Oprah? Are you serious?

FORESKIN?? What is WRONG with people??

Um, ya, did you get that memo?

You may have found it easier to get to my blog today. I did indeed take the invite only off in the hopes that certain douches have moved on and will no longer effect my PH levels. My next plan of action will be death threats. After that, I will take DG up on her offer of "taking care" of it for me.

So, now that things are feeling a little back to normal, lets get on with the madness shall we?

Here is something that people who work in an office where co-workers use their mug simply must get. It's a got to have item and a fail safe way to be sure you never get hepatitis.















It will, however, pretty much guarantee you to have unexplained penis breath from the inevitable rim jobs.
(I love how in the ad it says "This cup has a whole in it which prevents MOST people from using it.)

YAAAWN... stretch....scratch

I think you pretty much get the picture.
Why have I had such a hard time blogging?
I think it's because in real life I suck.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

If you happen to find yourself with no one to spend Valentine's Day with, I have the perfect suggestion for you.
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Oh, you'd like to hear it?

Well of course you do my lovely.
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Hey! I heard that. What? You think I stopped reading minds? (And that's ridiculous, by the way. I would never suggest something like that.)
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Ok. Here's a clue <= click there
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Awe come on. That was funny.
It's always funny.
Seriously love that.
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So, I was saying, if you find yourself with no one to spend Valentine's Day with, maybe you should give Rick Astley a call. I'm betting he's single. And probably on Lava Life.


No, being single isn't the only thing that makes him Valentine-able.
I can see you're not convinced.
Let me explain it to you through this esthetically pleasing pie chart.
I'm sure once you read it, you too will see the overwhelming evidence that he is in fact saturated in Valentine-able-awesomeness.
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Happy Valentine's Day!

THREE SEA SHELLS

SON OF A BIC!!*Not my hand...mine is manlier*



I had to take a second look when I first saw this sign. Why? you may ask?

Because it was sitting on this gigantic, yet well priced mudbutt wipe.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who was relieved that the human race is actually not THIS far gone.

Some stuff I've seen

Hello there my lovelies. I hope you are all well and ready to look at some stuff I've seen.
On with the show, before I walk away from this post and chalk it up to one more thing I never finish...
I'm not sure if it would work as well as the classic voodoo doll, but I bet it has it's own therapeutic properties.
I've seen some weird license plates in my life, but this was one of the weirdest!
NOBODY is as Antonio Banderas as Antonio Banderas... (said in the best Antonio Banderas voice imaginable... Believe it or not, I get to say that sentence at least 8 or 9 times a year)
An ad in the yellow pages that was clever
This guy renewed my love for hating complete strangers.
I guess cows are real spa whores. Something I never knew.
What was wrong with white??
hahaha
Don't get any ideas Quincy.
I think this is an excellent example of how awesome Canadians are. ROAR!! ;)
If I were a boy, I would shove that 5 million dollar ring down her throat...
They lost their day planner on the 24th AND the 25th?? I dare someone to prank call them...
So, there you have it... Some stuff I've seen. Was it worth spending 2 minutes here wasting your precious time reading? Probably not. But it was sure worth procrastinating housework for me to post it! :)

the ultimate morning CD

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday my Lovelies and thanks for stopping by!
I got a CD player/radio for the shower. Now all I need is some song suggestions that would make a great compilation disc to wake up to.
Let's hear your suggestions of what song you would pick to go on this ultimate morning CD

So the other day, I'm opening a piece of mail from DG and I'm taken immediately back to elementary school days because there is a scratch and sniff sticker on the back flap! Completely awesome right? Man I loved scratch and sniff stickers... Anyway, I pull the assumed Christmas card out of its envelope and was blown away. It wasn't a Christmas card at all. It was a "just because you're completely awesome" kind of card!! What a moment that is when you realize someone has gone out of their way and made an extra effort to let you know that they enjoy your friendship.

DG, thank you. I know I have sort of milked your prize of random text messages from me from a contest I had ages ago, but I know you don't mind and have come to love them. Even when they are in the middle of the night, not once have you ever complained about either timing or content.

I thought I would take a moment to show you all the card because it is just so appropriate...

Thank you to Mr. and Mrs. Duck for the Christmas card too! Your kids are too cute for words and the Christmas letter is always such a great way to find out how people spent their year. Even if it makes you painfully aware how little you travel and in fact downright boring your life is... ;)

I want to wish you all, my lovelies, a safe and happy holiday. Be good and don't forget to stop in and say hi.

PS. Quincy, I know you are reading this, so I just wanted to remind you that you still owe me $50 from the bet you lost and that your poker face could use a little work.

A mediocre attempt at trying to get back into blogging

I don't know what's going on with this post, but I don't have time to fiddle with the layout. So here's this post in a nutshell.
1-My hair is pink at the front. Not red. Why do people think it's red? I dunno. I'm bored of it anyway and out of pink dye, so I guess I'll use the purple dye that I have and go back to grey. I mean brown. My mum will be very pleased.
2-I love candy. But candy you can spell stuff with? Seriously awesome. A couple years ago I sent LB Seahag and her cats their names spelled out in candy in a gift box. In return, she sent me really cool stuff that made my gift box seem completely lame. I miss Mel. Her blog was a true inspiration. She put the fun in funny. To see what she got me click here. (Man was my kid a chubbo. Holy crap.)
3-Yesterday I wore a pair of socks that apparently misunderstand their purpose. The purpose of socks, I have been led to believe, is to actually STAY on your whole foot not slip down your heel and bunch up by your toes like the toes are the most important part of the foot. So now my toes are all full of themselves and not working as a unit... as part of a team, and I'm even inclined to say down right belligerent. This morning, one little piggy was all "Hey, where's the yoga toes you promised us?" So I was all "Hey little piggy, check yourself. I didn't promise you jack. In fact, you better watch your attitude. I'm pretty sure I can make it through life with less toes than I have." I thought tough love was the answer. Be firm, you know? Make sure they understand they aren't the boss of the foot. That all parts of the foot are important. Well, let me tell you, no one was more shocked than me when my toes actually flipped me the bird and pitter-pattered to the market without me. SO right now, I'm waiting for them to get back and I am full on stubbing them. Cocky little bastards.

I'm so punk.

The things I'll do to annoy my mother... haha....
How cool is this yin yang VW sculpture?

This was a funny commercial
I don't know how long its been around for, but it made me smile. Unlike most women, I'd actually prefer the vacuum to the necklace.
But the guy who gave the exercise equipment was awesome!
Have a good day my lovelies


"And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun"

wrong number

My phone rang this morning and I answered it, however, the call woke me up so I was groggy to say the least. The call went a little something like this...
me-"Hello?" (original hey?)
person-"Don't you answer your emails?"
me-"Oh, um... yes? But I'm not up yet. Why?"
person-"Well are we still on for coffee?"
me-"Of course. What time were you thinking?"
person-"About 10."
me-"OK, right on, see you soon."

As I start to shake off the urge to fall back asleep, it dawns on me what just happened. Who on earth was that? Must be my friend Dave McKinnon who's on the Island for a few days. He had stopped by last night to say hello, maybe we made plans that I forgot about? So I call Dave. Nope, not him. And as intrigued by the thought of coffee with me, he is indeed working and very busy.
Check my email, nope. Nothing from anyone about coffee at 10. (Now I'm bummed because why doesn't anyone want to make a coffee plan with me for real?)
So, my next thought was OH! It must be my friend Leah's boyfriend Bobby who is doing his practicum at a school down the street from me. And as luck would have it, just as I'm looking into my coffee colander and realize that I don't have enough coffee to make a whole pot, Bobby pulls up in my driveway. Another confusing conversation... but it was just coincidence. It wasn't him that called.
So, then it dawns on me. Call the person back. Duh. So I do. The voice mail said it was some apartment building downtown. So now I'm freaking out. I definitely don't have enough coffee for a whole apartment building. Parking shouldn't be a problem, I'd even venture out to say it's ample. But they all better take it black, and only want a sip or two.

thanks to Bobby L. for the laptop.... I'm back!!

First and foremost, I'm alive and very well.

My computer bit the dust for good, but a laptop was given to me, so walla.... I'm back!!

Secondly, and I really hope this is the only time I have to say anything, but the little pissing contests that are going on here are one step away from being stopped for good. Seriously. I'm really irritated. Just go away. No one puts Mr.Shife in a corner. Oh no, wait, that's Baby, but still, PLEASE just go away. It's pissing me off and so effing stupid. So just stop. Like right now. That includes visiting or commenting here and emailing me. Even FW'd emails. I'm done. I actually thought I made that clear awhile ago. But I guess not.

ANYHOOZLE...On to cool things I've seen that I felt compelled to take a photo of.

Up first? That's right folks... Yoga toes. I'm not sure what to say about them. Part of me wants to try them, part of me wants to find the think tank behind the idea and crack their skulls together. But if I tried them, I'd want to try them in public. Like at a mall or something. Malls really piss my feet off, so I wonder if they'd be less inclinded to trip people if I wore them there.

Seriously. Who would bother?

It's coming up to that time of year where there are serious blood shortages. Go make someones life and donate a pint. Besides, it's the free way to find out your blood type, which I have been a bit obssessed over lately, but that will be for another post.

You may have been one of the fortunate few who have already seen this bumper sticker because I text messeaged it out when I originally saw it, but if you didn't, it's worth the chuckle, so I'm posting it anyway.

So, with the passing of my computer, I also lost blog addresses i had in a favorites folder. If you would like me to once again grace the pages of your blog, leave a comment so I can get to you.